The cry of a shattered heart
Is it possible to feel like you don't belong? Not just in one spot but in life in general. I've tried my entire life to fit in. I wanted to fit in with others in school and then as an adult. I desire community and longing to belong. This last year has shaken me to my core. As my family and I left California for a grand adventure to Tennessee, my core as I knew it crumbled. Everything that I defined myself as, shattered. After 18 years of marriage my brother chose to divorce his wife. A mid-life crisis doesn't even come close to what is happening in his heart or to our family. Broken, torn and devastated is what was left as he walked away from his marriage. My family was falling apart in California as my immediate family and I were starting all over again. Everything I was, would never be the same again. I was not ready for this part. I wasn't ready for the dream I had built up in my mind to come crashing down. I can could not physically be there for my parents or for my niece and nephews. I felt hopeless. I am a fixer. I want to help, but it wasn't about me this time. I do believe God had a grand plan and it was for me to be away so that everything could crash down. Yes, I believe that God allows pain and suffering for the growth in who we are. As my family came together and picked up each piece, we noticed that these pieces could not be glued back together. Sometimes our life shatters. We can not go back. Looking at our life broken on the ground, I noticed it sparkles. Sometimes God changes our life completely. Even in our weakest moments and my deepest cry, love still shined through. Our life still sparkles amoungst the pain. God never said this life would be easy, He said it would be worth it!
Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?"
Matthew 16:24-26
Denying who I am and my desire to have the family I had the joy to grow up with is one of my greatest faults. I imagine a Sunday afternoon, the house is filled with laughter and the smell of food. My Great Grandparents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, cousins, and friends were all there. No one missed a family Sunday. We were all so different, but so alike. My desire is to give that to my children. I want them to know that joy. I get so wrapped up in what I want for my kids that I forget what God wants for them. I know that with the family we have, they get love and joy. Now life will look differently with Desmon not apart of it all for now and living out here in Tennessee. I know God brought us out here for a purpose. We know He healed Faith and her ear. What a miracle! I know God is not finished with us. The longing to belong has drifted though. I suppose I don't desire others acceptance. I know who I am and who I belong to.
Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong.
Ephesians 2:19-22
For thought I fall I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.
Micah 7:8
Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?"
Matthew 16:24-26
Denying who I am and my desire to have the family I had the joy to grow up with is one of my greatest faults. I imagine a Sunday afternoon, the house is filled with laughter and the smell of food. My Great Grandparents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, cousins, and friends were all there. No one missed a family Sunday. We were all so different, but so alike. My desire is to give that to my children. I want them to know that joy. I get so wrapped up in what I want for my kids that I forget what God wants for them. I know that with the family we have, they get love and joy. Now life will look differently with Desmon not apart of it all for now and living out here in Tennessee. I know God brought us out here for a purpose. We know He healed Faith and her ear. What a miracle! I know God is not finished with us. The longing to belong has drifted though. I suppose I don't desire others acceptance. I know who I am and who I belong to.
Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong.
Ephesians 2:19-22
For thought I fall I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.
Micah 7:8
