The moment I stopped being stubborn and allowed God to use me...this time i didn't kick and scream

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As this journey continues, I have decided that I wanted to buy the Bio mom to our foster babies a bible because well as a Christain I know it would help. When I decided that I was going to do this was mother's day and during this time was, well, let's just say a rough patch for the Bio mom and I. You know, we are still figuring out our relationship as well and our boundaries with each other(which can be REALLY awkward). So basically my heart was honestly in a bitter place for the Bio mom and I stopped praying for her(i know i know...wrong heart, but I am learning through all of this). I gradually came back to the soft place again and I am aware of how I need to handle things( not that I wont ever mess up again). So here I am again back where I began(i do that a lot). I was at visitation with the Bio mom last week and she asked about God and how she was seeking for help and she just needed direction. Every hair on my head stood up as if they all knew the answer and were raising their hands to be called on. Now mind you I have talked to many young girls at camp and missions work and have lead people to come to know the Lord, but for some reason I felt like I could have cried and peed at the same time from the excitement and nervousness.. So, I briefly told her a bit of my story and about Jesus and then it was time to go. I gave her a hug and we talked a little more about the girls and then I left. I got into my car and cried the whole way home!!! I praised God and wept. I posted that I wanted to get a box of items together for her about God and Jesus. That sounded so good at the time. Then I sat down at home and prayed and God spoke to my heart... He said "Chantel I want you to give her a Bible... not just any Bible.. YOUR Bible...." I honestly cried a little cuz I have had my Bible for 18 years and it is all beat up and written in and highlighted and loved on. That is why God wanted me to give her my Bible. A new Bible doesn't have pages with tear marks in them and passages with notes on the sides where God spoke to my heart. She needed this Bible more than I did. So today after visitation with the girls, she put them in my car and I told her I had a present for her. Her face lit up!! I reminded her of our conversation the other day and how she told me she was searching. I told her I found the best map I could find. I pulled out the Bible. I went on telling her about how it was mine and how long I have had it, but that it meant more to me then the length of time that I have had it. I taught bible studies from it, sought counsel, cried over it in some of my darkest moments, prayed with my new husband over it and each new baby laid next to it as i studied it's words. As I told her all of these things she began to weep. I told her that I believed in her and that most importantly God believed in her...I never saw a happier person in my whole life.

You see, as I am going through this learning curve in life I find that God does not always speak to us through words, but through others as well. God can use any language He wants to.

No one really decides to be courageous; they just decide they're not afraid anymore.-Bob Goff @lovedoes

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