God is bigger than the times we fail

-
I refreshed my blog and instead on focusing on the hardships of surrogacy(which I feel God has led me away from that for now), I am focusing on my life right now. Not one specific thing, but everything. I absolutely love to write. I have always journaled and truly enjoy the time that I allow myself to be truly transparent. So it is my goal not to be fake, but to allow true Chantel to shine through.

Popular posts from this blog

The moment I stopped being stubborn and allowed God to use me...this time i didn't kick and scream

-
As this journey continues, I have decided that I wanted to buy the Bio mom to our foster babies a bible because well as a Christain I know it would help. When I decided that I was going to do this was mother's day and during this time was, well, let's just say a rough patch for the Bio mom and I. You know, we are still figuring out our relationship as well and our boundaries with each other(which can be REALLY awkward). So basically my heart was honestly in a bitter place for the Bio mom and I stopped praying for her(i know i know...wrong heart, but I am learning through all of this). I gradually came back to the soft place again and I am aware of how I need to handle things( not that I wont ever mess up again). So here I am again back where I began(i do that a lot). I was at visitation with the Bio mom last week and she asked about God and how she was seeking for help and she just needed direction. Every hair on my head stood up as if they all knew the answer and were raising ...
Read more

The cry of a shattered heart

-
Image
Is it possible to feel like you don't belong? Not just in one spot but in life in general. I've tried my entire life to fit in. I wanted to fit in with others in school and then as an adult. I desire community and longing to belong. This last year has shaken me to my core. As my family and I left California for a grand adventure to Tennessee, my core as I knew it crumbled. Everything that I defined myself as, shattered. After 18 years of marriage my brother chose to divorce his wife. A mid-life crisis doesn't even come close to what is happening in his heart or to our family. Broken, torn and devastated is what was left as he walked away from his marriage. My family was falling apart in California as my immediate family and I were starting all over again. Everything I was, would never be the same again.  I was not ready for this part. I wasn't ready for the dream I had built up in my mind to come crashing down. I can could not physically be there for my parents or for m...
Read more